9 Very Short Stories Regarding Uganda

1) I have, literally, had ants in my pants twice now and I can assure you that it is supremely uncomfortable. Removing your pants is the only respite.

2) I asked some students to tell me the characteristics of a good teacher in Uganda. "Shows up to class" and "not drunk" were their first and second responses, respectively. I paused briefly and then decided that; yes indeed, I can do both of those things.

3) I've met a man who has six toes on each foot. His name is Ojara Fabrio and the name Ojara is the name given to every Acholi born with six digits. Apparently six toe-ed-ness is a common enough occurance here to justify the creation of a specific name. Go figure.

4) All of the dogs here still have their testicles. Initially I found that mildly alarming. Of course upon reflection I now find detesticulated male dogs to be equally (more?) alarming. In any case I find myself in a general state of alarm.

5) I've stopped smoking (6 months) and started training for a marathon. Just thought I'd throw that out there. Kigali 2011!

6) I still haven't moved into my house (it's obscenely posh by the way) though I am told it will be ready next week. It has been a week away from completion now for 6 weeks.

7) Yesterday I sat through a teachers meeting that started one and a half hours late at 10:00am and didn't finish until 4:00pm. For those scoring at home that's a six hour meeting. The meeting was described by one of my fellow teachers as a "great success." It seems the last teacher's meeting was eight hours long.

8) It's mango season but I can never beat the little children to the mango tree. They stage early morning raids on the trees often before the mangos are ripe. The parish groundskeeper tried to regulate the little fruit burglers but got a Dennis the Menace style slingshot pebble to the forehead for his troubles. The raids now continue unabated.

9) At the aforementioned staff meeting one of my colleagues arrived three hours late, heavily intoxicated and asked for a raise. Oh Uganda.